Spoofed Maximum Ride The Final Warning
by Rebecca Snicket
Summary: A spoof of Maximum Ride, The Final Warning. Rated M for bad language, sexual references and a lot of sarcasm. Read it, Love it, Review it. Or else just read it. Hey click me, click me!


**Author's Note**

I do not own Maximum Ride or any of its associated merchandise.

I do not own Sunny-D or any of its associated awesomeness.

I do not own Weezer OR Say It Ain't So

I do not own Twilight book series/movie and I do NOT own Robert Pattinson.

I do not own Pokemon or its theme tune however awesome it may be.

Thanks to xxgldxx aka Gabby for the inspiration. Read her stuff its epic.

**Chapter One – Chapters 1 – 10 Of The Final Warning**

Windsor State Forest, Massawackaadingchuetaa

**Soldier 1 **Ssssss

**Soldier 2** What the hell is that?

**Soldier 1** I like to make noises! This one's a snake! Sssssss...

**Soldier 2** Shut up man I'm trying to secure yo cabin and all the homies inside it yo

**Soldier 1** ….I'm emo now *****slits wrists*

Ssssssssssssss

**Soldier 2** I told you to fuck the shut up man else Ill pop a cap in yo white ass

**Soldier 1** IM TOO BUSY CRYING TO MAKE SNAKE NOISES!

**Soldier 2** Shit we left the gas on!

*soldiers choke to death*

**U-Director** Bollocks

A Different Forest

**Max **Omg I killed Ari once sticky emotions Jeb's my father and I hate him I hate funerals

**Fang** Hey I am the emo one in this plot! Stop crying about your terrible heart wrenching life!

**Max** Ok. Does anyone wanna go for a ride on a jet?

**Flock** NO YOU'RE REDUNDANT!

**Max** Well fuck you all we're going anyway

On A Jet

**Kevin** I'm Kevin Okun, your steward. I was born on the 5th July 1982. My hobbies include collecting road kill and planting bonsai trees. I also happen to be a very handsome man. Is anyone interested in having some sexual intercourse at all?

**Fang** Yes. I have a lot of sexual fustration bought on by my wrist cutting and all the fan girls I have all over the world.

**Max** Ok see you in a minute. Nudge what are you drinking?

**Nudge** SOMETHING THAT WILL INCREASE MY CHANCES OF BECOMING MAGNETIC

**Gazzy** Liquid Nitrogen?

**Nudge **Noooooo

**Total** Sunny-D?

**Nudge** Noooooooooo

**Angel **Semen?

**Nudge** NOOOOOO! I'm sorry your time is up. We were looking for caffeine, c-a-f-f-e-i-n-e, caffeine.

*All manner of metal items zoom towards Nudge*

**Nudge** YAAAAAAAAAAY!

**Max** NOT FAIR! I have no super awesome powers! *cries*

**Gazzy **Nudge I think that's the crankshaft, flywheel and part of the jet's wing attached to you.

**Nudge** …..O_o

**Max** Hey where's Fang, the handsome steward from before and Iggy?

*Fang appears*

**Flock **…...O_o

**Max** How was it?

**Fang** Fine. *slits wrists*

**Iggy ***reviews footage on video camera*Well that was awful, just awful. This is never gonna sell. I'll throw in a free dildo or something but still...I feel sorry for that steward.

**Kevin** I've had worse, not much worse, but worse.

**Angel** I'm sickened, disturbed and slightly bored by this scene, can we move on?

**Max** I AM THE LEADER! I RULE YOU PEASANTS! AND I SAY yeah let's go.

Safe House

**Fang** Hey! You missed my chapter!

**Max** I AM THE LEADER! I RULE YOU PEASANTS! AND I SAY all you do is act sarcastic and cool and show off to impress all your fan girls so it wasn't important.

**Fang** I hate my undying love for you!*slits wrists*

**Total** I hate that I had a bath! *slits paws*

**Max** I hate that I have a moustache!...I mean....uhh...what happened to your tan Fang?

**Fang** It was DIRT! IT WAS DIRT YOU BITCH! NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME! *runs upstairs, slams door and plays "Weezer -Say it Ain't So" on bass*

**Max **YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME HOW HOT I LOOKED!

**Jeb** Ok time to go to another conference discussing how freakish you all are.

**Max **I AM THE LEADER! I RULE YOU PEASANTS! AND I SAY-"

**Jeb **I'll give you a cookie

**Max** I want TEN THOUSAND MILLION COOKIES! And this also seems like a good time to jump into my musical number

I want to be the very best

Like No-one ever was

To catch them is my real test, to train them is my caaaaauuuse

I will travel across the land

Searching far and wide

Each Pokemon to understand

The Power That's Insiiiiiide

Pokemon!

(Gotta catch them aallll)It's you and meeeee

I know its my destiny

Pokemon!

Ooooo you're my best friend in this world we must defeeeeeeeend!

Pokemon!

Oh our hearts so trruuuue ooo ooo oooo

Our courage will pull us through

You teach me and I'll teach you!

Pok-e-mo-on!

Gotta catch em all!

Gotta catch em all!

POKEMON!

*big explosion, confetti falls down*

**Flock **O_o

**Max I think I've made my point**

**Jeb** You can have one cookie

**Max **...Ok lets go

**The Conference where the Freaks kick the Rich People's Butts**

**Olive Man **Welcome, welcome. As you can see by my olive green suit, I am very important and therefore can control your lives. And so, freaks THIS IS YOUR LIFE!

**Max** Mom, Jeb did you know about this? You guys! I had no idea!

**Total** The flashing lights amuse me. I deem this an acceptable experience to undertake.

*Lots of footage with Max and the gang doing lots of karate routines and using they're super de duper powers*

**Gazzy** Wow I never realised just how awesome we actually are!

**Iggy** Yeah maybe someday they'll make a movie

**Max **And the title would be MAXIMUM RIDE

**Total** …..No. Just - no. Nobody would see that

**Fang** You know what would be crap, if they got that woman who directed Twilight to direct it. It's a shame that such an awesome series of books which I personally adored has now been reduced to nothing more than a bad film where Robert Pattinson repeats the same facial expression for two hours.

**Nudge** Yeah, he's not even that fit.

**Olive Man** …..O_o . So can we put you in our school for freaks?

**Flock** NOOOOOOO!

**Angel** Wait, Nudge don't you want to have an education rather than hang out with a bunch of rebels and emos like ourselves?

**Nudge** Nah, that's later on

Back at Safe House

**Max **I hate the government! Is that ok?

**Martinez** Yeah whatever I'm not even your real mom.

**Flock** ZOMG!

**Max** Whatever. I'm hard as nails. I don't care *runs off to cry*

**Fang** Did we order pineapple?

**Angel **Yup

**Max** Cheese?

**Angel **Yup

**Gazzy **Hand grenades?

**Angel **Yup

**Iggy **Gas grenades?

**Angel** Yup

**Total **Small vial of cyanide?

**Angel** Yup

**Fang** More razor blades to fuel my emo-ness?

**Angel** Yup

**Max** A shark?

**Angel** Yup

**Gazzy **A cliff top I can push Robert Pattinson off?

**Angel** Yup

**Nudge **Tampons?

**Flock **…..O_o...

**Iggy **What the fuck Nudge?

**Nudge **WHAT!I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide vagina! *runs off to cry*

**Total** Permission to change subject?

**Max** I AM THE LEADER! I RULE YOU PEASANTS! AND I SAY yes please.

**Iggy** Ok. I can feel colours.

**Max** I AM THE LEADER! I RULE YOU PEASANTS! AND I SAY no you can't cus its not fair and I never get new powers!

**Iggy** This is AWESOME! I CAN NOW INSULT PEOPLE IN MUCH MORE EPIC PROPORTIONS!

**Total** Oh no...

**Iggy** Max, your hair needs dying you've got greys. And I can feel your moustache, you should dye that thing. This wallpaper is disgusting. I can feel the amount of blackheads on your face, Gazzy, don't you wash at all? And Fang, I've been able to feel colours for about 14 ½ seconds, and I still think you wear too much black.

**Fang** Noooo! My clothes are the centre of my dark and mysterious nature! It's what the ladies love! *slits wrists*

**Gazzy/Angel** *facepalm*

**Thanks for Reading! Please review, advice and ideas welcome.**

**Rebecca Snicket**

**xxx**


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